8 Weeks/2Months~

I am sitting here trying to think about what to write. I mean, two months have passed, 8 weeks to be exact, since Ryker graced my family and friends with his beautiful, radiant, wonderful, perfect, self. I am still in complete awe over him.

I worried about how I would do with three children, instead of two. I am doing it. Just doing it. It happens, it all falls together. It is hard, I won't lie, but it happens. It works.

I worried about his appetite and tummy troubles and what I was eating that wasn't settling in his tummy. We worked that out too. He is good, he is gaining and he eats like a champ. I have bouts of feeling like a failure, for not breast feeding any more. I know I shouldn't, but I do. And, I miss it terribly. But, he is good. He is doing good on formula. I just miss that bond, that specific bond. And that it was my last chance to breast feed.

I worried about how the other kids would be with a new brother. They love him. They spoil him. They love to help and hold and feed and love on him. They are great. They too keep me going and so very content in my heart. Ryker is so lucky to have them as his family.

I worried about Matt and fatherhood for him. Not that he couldn't do it, just simple worry. He is great. He is the best. He and Ryker are so very close and he is my hero for that. He has a calm about him. The patience I don't always have and Ryker is one of the best things to happen for Matt. And for me.

All this past worry aside. This past 8 weeks has flown by and I really just can't believe it. He is getting so big, starting to smile, starting to coo. If you put him on his belly for tummy time, he flips himself over. Not on purpose, just being top heavy, but it is so cute. In fact, tonight was the first time he did that. He is so strong and so perfect.

I patiently await our future with Ryker. For me, for our family, for everyone. He is so special. I love him more than any words could tell you. I love him more than even I know.

I am loved~

Yes, and I really feel the love. I posted pics of my family after not posting in forever. I got nine comments! Can you believe that? I am loved, that is all there is to say about that. People still read, people still look. And these people, these women, I love them.

This week will be crazy at work. We have a huge food show tomorrow and I get to eat food all day. But oye, the preperations, they will be trying. But, I will shine through. I will do a great job. And somebody will appreciate the effort I put into my work. You see, cause that is how great my new job is. I can't wait!

In other news, Ryker will be 8 weeks on Thursday. Ummm, holy crap, how did that happen? Way too fast I tell ya, way too fast.

Pictures Galore~

Look at those cheeks

Chunky butt

Sleeping on daddy

Hannah, Grandma, Jacob

Hannah and Grandma, so sweet

Lauren and Ryker

Grandma holding Ryker for the first time!

Dino jammies

My big boy

Jacob at swimming lessons

Hannah drawing

Sleepy baby

Princess Hannah

Gah!

I have been really, really, really bad about blogging. Such is life. It is hectic and busy.

Ryker is a month old already and growing like a champ, weighing in at 8 pounds 5 ounces and 20.5 inches long. He has cute little rolls and folds and is starting to "talk" and smile a bit. I heart him so. Sleeping at night is becoming better, going 4-5 hours at a time, sometimes!

I am doing alright, dealing with PPD and having minor surgery tomorrow to get my tubes tied. Three is good and I want to devote my time to the three I have and live in the moment.

Anyway, hopefully I can start blogging a bit more, but don't keep your fingers crossed.....


muah,
Lu

Monday Thoughts~

It is very dreary out today. Supposed to rain a majority of the day. I secretly wish they would send Matt home because of the rain, because then he could be home with us, and I might get a nap that way.

Ryker is sleeping better then he did Friday night. He was up a majority of the time from midnight to six in the morning. I took the 12-3 shift and Matt took the 3-6 shift, even though he had to work Saturday. I was grateful. He is now sleeping for about an hour and a half at a time, which is fine.

Ryker now has a real belly button, I will have to take pic's and post them soon. Because of this, he took his first bath on Saturday. He hated it with a passion, we know he is unlike his sister in this way, she loved water from the very start.

Matt's grand parents were in town this weekend. We joined his entire family for dinner on Saturday night. It was good, but interesting. I didn't eat the delicious Mexican food because I didn't want to upset Ryker's belly later on from it. I ate a grilled chicken sandwich and had a few sips of a Mojito. Those are good. Breastfeeding in public for the first time, interesting. Matt held up the blanket for me while Ryker took forever to even latch on. I don't think he liked being on display :) Really though, he has been latching funny lately. Taking quite a while to just take it in. He will sit there and root forever and then finally latch, once he already has milk dripping all over his face and neck. Oops.

Hannah seems so much older and more mature to me lately. I am sure it is from her being bumped from youngest child, to middle child. But, it is taking me by surprise. To listen to her talk, to watch her play, and to watch her interact with the family, has taken on a whole new meaning. Maybe she is trying to act older now, knowing she is no longer a baby, or even a toddler. She is in pre-school now at the church daycare. I think she enjoys it, but she is one shy little girl and tells me that she doesn't want to make friends, she just wants to play. Her potty training has picked back up again and she has rediscovered the potty. Thank God!

Jacob is doing wonderful in school. He tells me every day that he is still a straight A student. He is getting 100% on each spelling test and doing great in Math as well. He is also reading an average of 30 minutes a day, which is great! He really enjoys sitting down with a good book and diving in. Jacob will start school sponsored swimming lessons at the end of the month. I think this will be good for him. His father even paid me for the registration, what a surprise.



Now for some random thoughts~



Matt's dad loves holding Ryker, which I think is wonderful, but freaks me out at the same time. Last night I told him that Ryker already likes to throw his head back and he snapped back at me, "I have done this many times before, I know what I am doing." That is fine dude, but you haven't done it with my son and I have full right to be worried or whatever, thanks. God, why do people have to be like that? He is my son, I am LETTING you hold him, don't be a jerk about it!



My milk seems to come in every time I am at the checkout in a store. What the heck? Target, Grocery Store, you name it. My milk likes that time to come in and make me want to feed Ryker and unload those puppies. I think it is funny, how it does that.



I am getting used to a daily routine with Ryker. I am not so uncomfortable being home alone all day with him. Why on my third child this would happen, is beyond me, but it did. We are getting over that.



I might take him in for a weight check this week, just to see what it is. I know he is getting bigger. I measured him last night and he is now 20 inches long, up from the 19 at birth. His head is also bigger, I don't remember the exacts though.



~Well he just blew his pants out again, so gotta jet!

Spit up, diapers, crying, and my life currently~

Well, I finally posted Ryker's birth story on my blog, you know, two weeks after the fact! I feel like I am in a whirlwind, tunnel type thing right now. I am sure all new mother's know what I mean and how I feel right now.
Ryker is growing, I don't know exactly what he weighs, but you can just tell. I might take him in next week for a weight check, just to ease my thoughts. He eats well, but keeping it down is another issue in itself. Yesterday, was a long day. All morning, he spit up most of what he ate. I felt terrible, I felt like a failure, and I felt so bad for him. I am not sure if the roast dinner from the previous night, wasn't agreeing with him, or what. But, after discussing it with a great gal, she calmed my nerves and suggested the BRAT diet. Bananas, rice, applesauce, and toast. So, I had rice for lunch and toast with a side of applesauce for dinner yesterday. I did however, have my coffee this morning. If his tummy is upset, I will take coffee out of my diet as well.
I really want to succeed at breastfeeding. But, at times I question how this is possible. My nipples still hurt quite bad and I am not sure if it is his latch or not. I could easily call Le Leche League, but part of me doesn't know what to say when I call. I know, it sounds completely stupid, but it is what it is. He eats anywhere from every hour, to every 2-3 hours. If he could only try the 2-3 hours at night, that would be a blessing.
He sleeps a good portion of the day, as all newborns do. Night's are all different, never the same. Last night, sucked. He cried a lot and I felt as if I couldn't comfort him. But, we got through and here we are. He doesn't like to be swaddled correctly. If I do swaddle him, he has to have his arms out, or he gets pissed.
This post is all over the place, I apologize for that, but now you see inside my head, and how scattered that is.
Anyway. My mood is off, I know it is. I am not sure if it is PPD rearing it's ugly head, or if it is all in my head. I do alright during the day, with few bouts of wanting to cry my head off. But, once everyone is home for the day, I have issues. I get easily frustrated with Matt. I know he is trying to help, but sometimes, I feel it easier to just do it myself. I am trying to give him more credit, as this is his first time, and he is really trying. I snap at the kids easier. I suppose this is what bothers me most. It is not their problem that I just had a baby. It is not fair to them that my patience wears thing. I feel terrible about this. I wish I could give them the time, affection, and what not that they had before, but I simply can't. I hope we all get into a groove and this eases up a bit. They are great kids and I don't want them to forget that, nor do I want to forget that.

I am trying to find a new job, so this too is an added stress. You see, I wasn't at my job a full year before Ryker was born, so I didn't qualify for FMLA. I only qualified for disability, which is a huge help. Nonetheless, my boss informed me last week that they weren't sure that my position was still available for me. She said that I should have known this going on bed rest. I have been gone for almost two months, so I understand this. But, it is hard. I worked on my resume yesterday, had a friend vamp it up a bit and I sent it out to 8 different employers. So wish me luck, as this is another new adventure and hopefully this goes smooth.

My parent's are coming out to visit from October 5-12th. This is good, or at least I keep telling myself this. So kill me now if my mother ever finds this blog. Anyway, I tell people that they are coming out to visit and people say, "Oh, that will be sooo great to have help and have someone take the kid's off your hands!" Ummm, nope, it won't. You see, my parents aren't like that. They are older, this is my only excuse as to why they aren't your typical grandparent's. Their idea of visiting is this- come to my house in the morning, sit on my couch and read their books, go book shopping, watch me take care of the three kids, and go out to dinner nightly. This is a vacation to them, not a "let's be grandparent's and help out" type thing. My mother has a disability where she could not carry one of my children, even if she wanted to. Also, her back is really bad, so she can't stand for long periods or go walking much. My father is just an old fuddy duddy and keeps to himself. The saddest part is if you were to ask my children what their best memory of my parents are, they would say "They give us a lot of money and save a lot of money for us." Not "Oh they took us to the park or the zoo or we went outside and played." So this visit will be interesting. Although I love them dearly, two days is more than enough, 7 might kill me. If I don't return around those dates, you know why.

(I really didn't mean for this post to be so mad, sad, etc. I am just writing how I feel and am not always good with words, so it may sound pissier then I had planned.)

The Birth Story~

On August 22nd, I had a Dr. appt. at 12:15. At that point I was up to 3 centimeters dilated, and as he put it, ripe and ready to go anytime. He told me that he would definitely not see me in a week and wouldn't be surprised if I went into labor that night.I started having 3 minute contractions at about 6:30ish. They weren't too bad, but there. Finally around 9pm, I decided to call my doctor. On the phone he asked if they felt different from the Friday before and I said yes, they are going to my back each time and are a little more intense. He then asked if I thought this was the real deal, I said I sure hope so, but yes. He gave me the go ahead to go up to the hospital. We got to the hospital around 10pm. They put me in a small room because they thought it was surely false labor. The nurse put me on the monitors and got my info put in the computer. She then checked me and I was at 5 centimeters. So I asked if this was it, she said, "You betcha, you are NOT going home tonight, you are having your baby." They kind of hurried after that. Started to get a real delivery room set up for me, etc. She then needed to start my IV. Stupid bitch hurt the hell out of me and blew two veins in the process of trying to get my IV started. After 5 attempts, yes I said 5, she got a shitty IV put in that hurt like hell. Then they had me walk to my delivery room, this was around 11pm, maybe 11:30. Got me set up in that room and all the sudden my IV started leaking into my arm. Not sure of the actual medical term, but it ballooned and hurt really bad, so Matt blocked the fluid on the tube. The nurse came in and I told her this one is shot too and wanted someone ELSE to do my next one. So she got the house supervisor to do it. One try and a great IV was finally in.Oh and around the same time they gave me Staydol (sp) to help with the pain while we waited for my epidural. That was the best drug ever! I was more relaxed and able to really get through those contractions. It lasted about 45 minutes at which point, the anesthesiologist came in at midnight. The epidural was put in with no problem and no pain whatsoever. It started working by 12:30. I text Tiff to update her as much as I could. The nurse told me I might deliver by 2:30.However, I was stuck at 6 centimeters for a while and apparently that was not fast enough for the nurses and such. So they called my Dr. and he suggested to put me on Pitocin to help progress me to 10. They put me on the pitocin at 2:35. Right away Ryker's heartbeat was dropping from the Pit. So they had me lay on my left side to help him and put me on oxygen. They kept worrying about his heartbeat and told the doc to hurry, this baby was coming soon. By 2:45 I was fully dilated and could feel Ryker very low. They told the doc to get there NOW, I was about to deliver. They had my roll back onto my back to get ready and put my feet up. When I rolled to my back, he started crowning. I shit you not, this was the worst part of the labor.It was 2:55 at this point and I wanted and needed to push, but no doc yet. The nurses were all ready at the end of the bed, but kept telling me to breath through the contractions and NOT to push. This was the hardest thing, not to push out a baby that is crowning. Finally the doc walks in at about 3:02 and scrubbed up and got to the end of the bed just in time. As soon as I saw him at the end of my bed, they didn't have to tell me, I just pushed. My first push was half assed to be quite honest. I don't know if it was fear of the pain or what. My 2nd push was a really good push and his head came out with that one. Then one more little push and his body was out and he was born at 3:06 am. I could see him and the doc suctioning. He was crying a little bit, but I remember thinking and saying, "He is too small, he is small, oh my gosh, is he going to be OK?" The whole team kept reassuring me that he would be fine and that he wasn't "too small." They took him over to the warmer to clean him up and do all the stuff they do. The doc delivered my placenta and I asked if I tore and how bad was it down there, because it didn't really hurt when he was coming out. He said, "There is no tear, nothing. It looks just fine, you did great!"I was very relieved about this part!Ryker was weighed in at 5 lbs. 3 oz. My smallest baby thus far and 19 inches long. He just seemed so long and skinny.This labor seemed to fly by, even tho, it too was my longest labor.

Mr. Ryker

Ryker Matthew was born on August 23rd at 3:06 am. He was 5 lbs. 3 oz. and 19 inches long. I haven't had time to blog, write the birth story, much less get a shower in when I would like to. He is doing well as am I :)

I will write out more about this new blessing when I have the chance!

In the meantime, a few pics to keep you happy!

Proud big sister Hannah~

Proud Big Brother Jacob~

Comfy in the Papasan Chair~

Wide eyed and tongue out~

First day- monitored heavily for a while

Jacob's first day of 2nd grade~

So Jacob set his new alarm clock for 8 this morning and was up and raring to go when that LOUD thing went off. He got dressed, had me comb his hair, ate breakfast, brushed his teeth and we were on our way.

Everything went smooth. I took a few pictures and took him to his class. Most of the supplies they listed us to get, were already on his desk. I don't understand, but whatever, he has plenty now. His teacher was great and Jacob was set to go. I said my goodbye's, gave him a mommy kiss and was on my way.

I hope his day is fabulous and I can't wait to see him again. I am not sure what to do all day now. As my house is clean, laundry is done, and all that good stuff. I will figure it out. I might just lounge on the couch and read a good book and eat a whole bag of something great.

Here are a couple pics of my handsome little man. Oh how I heart him.

Past~Present~Future

Since I have been SOOOO bad about keeping this updated, I will try and fill it in :)

I was in the hospital last Friday night. Three minutes. That is how far apart my contractions were. Sometimes one minute. They hurt, I had to breath through many of them. To make a long night story short, they tried to give me a Terb shot, in which I refused. Why you ask? Have you ever had one? They suck. Your heart beats out of your chest, you shake, and you sweat...oh and you can't sleep on it. That is my own opinion, not medically said. Anyway, both my specialist and doctor also told me at 34 weeks, they would NOT stop my labor if I were to go. Ryker not only weighs enough, I have had steroid shots and we would be fine. So I chose not to have the shot. So instead, they put me on an IV and drained the first bag in literally 5 minutes. Then a second bag, and no more contractions. Apparently I was dehydrated. Either way, we were released on home at 5:30 a.m.
I see my doctor for my 36.3 week checkup and I am sure he will be really happy that I turned down his offer of the Terb Shot at the hospital Friday, oh well.
Oh and I had the shits all day today, like my ass was hurting so bad from shitting my brains out, I was tired of it. I thought maybe that was a hint for tonight being d-day. No such luck, it is now 11:12 and nada. That is fine. He will be here till he is 20 and we can go to college together :) Kidding, sorry I sound so bitter, I am just a bit uncomfy lately.

Better writings~
Jacob starts 2nd grade tomorrow. I really can't fathom this, but it will happen with or without my approval of him growing up. We went to the Open House on Monday night, which was said to be from 6-7 p.m. I really thought we would be there for an hour and was amazed when we were there for 15 minutes. We went in, met his (super duper, by word-of-mouth) teacher, got Jacob an ice cream and we were off.
I have to admit, I was somewhat in a hurry. I am not taking my kids back to their old daycare, because I decided I am done dealing with her and yeah, I haven't had the balls to tell her. She called a couple weeks ago and I have not returned the message. There are many things I would like to tell her, but I won't, because I don't like confrontation and it would cause that. Anyway, back to me being in a hurry to exit the building.
Walking through his classroom, I was looking at names on the desks to see which kid's were in there. And, gasp, old daycare ladies son (who is not my favorite child) is in Jacob's class! Can you believe it? I can't, I don't like it. So I wanted to jet as to avoid seeing former daycare lady. Apparently, she showed up 10 minutes after we left.
So anyway, Jacob got all showered up and in bed by 8:30. His clothes are laid out and backpack filled. We will be raring to go in the morning.

Hannah had/has another ear infection. By this point it is much better. I took her to urgent care on Sunday because of the sudden ear pain she was speaking of. So bad, she couldn't sleep for her nap. The doc said this one was pretty bad, might pop and leak puss, and to watch for that. It hasn't that I know of, but nonetheless, she is doing much better! I think we need to revisit the ear tubes thought. Now that her asthma is mostly under control, they won't be as worried to put her under for the surgery. So yeah, I will be getting her in again for that procedure to be set up.

Matt has been working an hour away all week and some of last. He hates it, but it is hours for him. I keep worrying I will go into labor and he will be in a mad rush, but heck, what am I thinking? Remember, Ryker is in it for the long haul :) No worries now. Shit, go work in Kansas, he ain't comin'. Not really, I would REALLY miss him and can't handle that right now.

That is all I have, my brain is fried, I need to go to bed and get ready for tomorrow's events.

Life and such~

My doctor assures me I will be pregnant forever. Ok, maybe not really forever, but he laughs and tells me I will go to 39 weeks now, not 37 as it was last time, but 39. This is fine, whatever is better for Ryker and his health. But, as stupid as this sounds, I don't know how to be pregnant after 36 weeks. I know it is just another day, one day at a time. But, it is just going to be weird if that happens.
Ryker now head butts my cervix, pushes on my hip bones and lunges off my rib cage. Can't wait to see how he is when he is on the outside! I can tell he is getting bigger and I can normally feel where his butt, arms and legs are as well. He has been head down, nice and deep, for a while. He switches his position side to side all the time. I think he is face down, but of course I don't know for sure, I can't see inside.
The doc checked me again yesterday and I am still sitting at 2 centimeters. He did the lovely butt swab, aka Strep Test. So I go back next week and the next week and the rest of my life :)

Hannah~
She is driving me nuts with her Drama Queen status. I am sure Jacob is tired of it as well, since he gets the brunt of it. The yelling, hitting, stealing, etc. She can't even be nice to him for five minutes. Yet, she wants him to sleep with her so that she doesn't have to by herself. He is so giving that he puts up with all the meanness throughout the day and crawls into bed with her at night. But, he is a Prince, really he is.

Jacob~
School starts in less then a week now and he is stoked. We have changed his bedtime back to 8:30 and that is at his suggestion :) We were going to take it back to nine and then to 8:30 by the time school starts, but he suggested to just go to 8:30 now, so he can rest more. He has his backpack all packed and ready to go. He knows what he will wear the first day. And he really hopes that I can take him to and from, on the first day. Which I hope so too, he is my baby, and I want to be there every step of the way. So hopefully I am not in the hospital on that first day.

Matt~
He is the light of my life. After my break down the other night and me asking for a little help with the kiddos, he has been a life saver! I know he is tired when he gets home from work, but I have had the kids all day with no let down and I just need a little me break when he arrives home. But, all is well again on this front and I am feeling mighty relieved.

Not much else going on, so I will leave it at that. Once again thinking I had nothing to write about :)

Hmmm~

I really don't know what to write about today. I am at a loss. But, I haven't posted in over a week, so I thought it was worth a try.
I am now 34 weeks, and Ryker is weighing in by ultrasound at 5 lbs. 1 oz. I am so happy to be over the five pound mark, for his sake, for his health. The more fat he adds on, the better. The specialist told me that they wouldn't stop my labor if I went in now. That is funny, they stopped it then with Hannah, but hey, that was a different realm of people and doctors. So we are stepping a little closer to the edge, the edge of labor and delivery, the edge I want to fall off of, because I want to meet my Ryker boy. But, at the same time, I want him to be safe in my womb. In the warmth and cushioned bliss. He will come when he is ready, whether mama is or not. The bags are packed, his belongings are washed, the camera is charged. We are good to go.
Jacob gets back from his summer visit with his father tomorrow. I miss him so. Two weeks is really too long to go without a hug, kiss, conversation, his laughter, his presence. But, I have to. I don't have a choice and I suppose a fraction of time with his dad, might be good for him. He is excited for school to start and to go shopping with me for all of his needed supplies. I can't believe how fast the summer has gone. Jacob is starting 2nd grade, but wasn't it just yesterday that I was taking him to Kindergarten? I thought so. He was assigned the teacher he really wanted, so I am happy for him. I just hope some of the brat kids of his grade, aren't in that class. But, we can't choose that can we?
Hannah is sassy as ever. Asking daily if Ryker is big enough to come out yet and singing him silly songs, or Happy Birthday. She misses Jacob too, that is her brother, her buddy. I think she feels at somewhat of a loss when he is gone. Perhaps she gets bored spending every day, all day, with her mama, but I try to make it fun and worthwhile for her. She really is my sweet girl, I can't believe she is three. Perhaps the upcoming delivery of Ryker, is making me think of my other two. Growing so fast, knowing this too, will happen with Ryker. I will just savor each moment of my children, as they grow and my love grows deeper.
Matt is so ready for Ryker to come. He is so cute with his anticipation. His arms ache to hold him, his lips to kiss him, and his heart will swell more then he knows is possible. I can't wait to see him look into his son's eyes and fall in love. Soon enough my dear, soon enough.

Well, so much for not having anything to talk about eh?

Random Thoughts and Pictures~

I am 33 weeks now!

Another great milestone. I know I say this a lot, but it really truly is one. With the contractions and pre-term labor, I am thankful for every day Ryker can grow and mature inside my belly. Friday night I had contractions that were ten minutes apart for over 3 hours. I was worried that it was time and they wouldn't peter out, but they finally did around 4:30 in the flippin' morning. I feel pretty good right now. I am not as tired as I have been. We have our hospital bag packed and ready to go when the time comes. I have a Dr. appointment today and will find out if anything has changed. My belly has sure popped out, not that it wasn't before, but I had Matt take some pics and we were both shocked at how big it has gotten since the last round of pics. Perhaps that is causing my slight back pain? Probably, but that is fine.

Hannah loves kissing and talking to her little brother~

Sprinkler Park~

I took Hannah and a couple neighbor kids to the local sprinkler park yesterday. They had so much fun! One of the best parts is it was free! Can't beat that! We went to McD's after for some happy meal goodness. Hannah and I were pooped after and took a nice two hour nap. Here are some pics of her having fun with the water :)

Swinging~

Every Sunday we go to my mother in law's for dinner. She even takes requests, which let me tell you, to a pregnant woman, that is so awesome! We requested lasagna and it was so good. Across the street from her house is an old swing. One that was hung back when Matt was a kid and has been updated throughout the years. The kid's love to play on it and I got a couple pic's with Matt holding Hannah. She is still a bit small to do it on her own, and it kind of frightens her. But, she is in heaven when Matt holds her and swings with her.

I would love to move to the area his mom live's. It reminds me so much of Colorado. It has so many tree's and is hilly, almost like in some of the mountain range's in CO. Maybe one day we will find a house close to there, as I would be in heaven.

WhyMommy....one of many brave woman~

We hear a lot about breast cancer these days. One in eight women will be diagnosed with breast cancer in their lifetimes, and there are millions living with it in the U.S. today alone. But did you know that there is more than one type of breast cancer?
I didn’t. I thought that breast cancer was all the same. I figured that if I did my monthly breast self-exams, and found no lump, I’d be fine.
Oops. It turns out that you don’t have to have a lump to have breast cancer. Six weeks ago, I went to my OB/GYN because my breast felt funny. It was red, hot, inflamed, and the skin looked…funny. But there was no lump, so I wasn’t worried. I should have been. After a round of antibiotics didn’t clear up the inflammation, my doctor sent me to a breast specialist and did a skin punch biopsy. That test showed that I have inflammatory breast cancer, a very aggressive cancer that can be deadly.
Inflammatory breast cancer is often misdiagnosed as mastitis because many doctors have never seen it before and consider it rare. “Rare” or not, there are over 100,000 women in the U.S. with this cancer right now; only half will survive five years. Please call your OB/GYN if you experience several of the following symptoms in your breast, or any unusual changes: redness, rapid increase in size of one breast, persistent itching of breast or nipple, thickening of breast tissue, stabbing pain, soreness, swelling under the arm, dimpling or ridging (for example, when you take your bra off, the bra marks stay – for a while), flattening or retracting of the nipple, or a texture that looks or feels like an orange (called peau d’orange). Ask if your GYN is familiar with inflammatory breast cancer, and tell her that you’re concerned and want to come in to rule it out.
There is more than one kind of breast cancer. Inflammatory breast cancer is the most aggressive form of breast cancer out there, and early detection is critical. It’s not usually detected by mammogram. It does not usually present with a lump. It may be overlooked with all of the changes that our breasts undergo during the years when we’re pregnant and/or nursing our little ones. It’s important not to miss this one.
Inflammatory breast cancer is detected by women and their doctors who notice a change in one of their breasts. If you notice a change, call your doctor today. Tell her about it. Tell her that you have a friend with this disease, and it’s trying to kill her. Now you know what I wish I had known before six weeks ago.
You don’t have to have a lump to have breast cancer.

P.S. Feel free to steal this post too. I’d be happy for anyone in the blogosphere to take it and put it on their site, no questions asked. Dress it up, dress it down, let it run around the place barefoot. I don’t care. But I want the word to get out. I don’t want another young mom — or old man — or anyone in between — to have to stare at this thing on their chest and wonder, is it mastitis? Is it a rash? Am I overreacting? This cancer moves FAST, and early detection and treatment is critical for survival.
Thank you.

32 Weeks~

Another great milestone for my pregnancy was reached yesterday. I am proud of myself and for Ryker for staying put a little longer. I went to my Perinatologist appointment yesterday. I wasn't there for long, never am, but got some new info.
Ryker is weighing approximately 4 pounds and 1 ounce, which is super if you ask me! He is very active, as he repeatedly hit himself in the head during the ultrasound. Looks like he will come with some hair too, as the doc pointed out some "fuzz" on the screen! I wish I knew what color, red maybe? We will see!
My cervix didn't change much from the last visit a week ago, but he is now as far down as he can go without it opening and him coming out, so it is apparent that he is prepared for when the time comes.
I only have one more appointment with this Dr., which is in two weeks. Once I hit that 34 week mark (fingers crossed), he isn't as worried. He said I would be more likely to take Ryker home with me when I leave the hospital at that point, instead of having to leave him in the NICU. Of course nothing is for sure until he comes and we know how he is really doing. But, two weeks is hope for me. Once I get through the next two weeks, then I will tell myself "I can do this, let's do another two weeks." And, maybe it will happen.
He is still very active in there. I lay and watch my stomach and see some strange things going on. I don't remember my stomach becoming so distorted when the other's kicked, but that was a while ago too. He pushes up towards my ribs sometimes, with his feet I assume, and it catches my breath a little short. Otherwise, I am pretty comfortable now that he has "engaged" and moved down a bit. Not that he is huge to begin with, but it is a bit better now.
I think I should rewash Ryker's bedding, the bassinet bedding, and pick out an outfit for him to wear home. I have been putting off the outfit though. He won't be very big and I really don't know what will fit. I honestly would rather run up to Babies R' Us and get one of the preemie outfits they have, just in case. In fact, I think I will, just so I feel more prepared. The other two wore preemie clothes, and I am sure Ryker will follow suit.
Otherwise, we have everything else we need. Oh, except for a diaper bag. That isn't the end of the world. There is one that we really want, we just need to get it. The thing is, it is $40 and I need to talk myself into spending that on a bag. But, I really like it, so we will see.
Here is to another two weeks, c'mon Ryker, we can do this, k buddy!

Calling all tooth fairies~

Jacob just left to go have three baby teeth pulled. Ouch! I took him in yesterday to get a good cleaning and have the dentist check out a bothersome tooth. See, this bothersome tooth is an impatient adult tooth that couldn't wait it's turn to come in. The dentist advised me this is very common and it makes perfect sense to just pull that baby tooth so that the adult tooth can move forward. However, he also explained that his teeth won't have enough room with the two adult teeth he will have now. So he would recommend pulling two additional teeth, to make the room needed. I am foreign to dentistry mumbo jumbo and decided to just take his word for it, and hope that he isn't just pulling for the sake of pulling. So I ok'd his plan and made the appointment for tonight. The crazy thing is, Jacob isn't even worried one bit, in fact he said he can't wait. I would be scared and nervous, but hey that is just me. So off he went to the dentist. I opted to stay home with Hannah while Matt went with. I just don't think my pregnant self could handle seeing them pull teeth from my baby, er, I mean big boy. The blood, the sounds, no thanks.
Matt and I discussed the tooth fairies agenda on this. Jacob still deserves his teeth losing money, but at what cost. We decided that having them pulled, warranted a greater pay out, to make up for the pain he will feel. So I think we will give him a buck for each tooth. Normally we pay out 50 cents. I hope that that is enough and that the pain of this goes by fast for my guy. I have plenty of Popsicles and pudding, should he need them!

Bedrest and such~

I haven't written a post in forever on here. Like I said before, I am not so good at this blogging thing. I think the mom board that I am part of, takes most of my Internet time, as well with reading other blogs. By the time I am done with all of that, I am too lazy to post on my own. I won't take it down yet though, because I keep thinking that once Ryker is born, I will need it to post pictures and such.
Yesterday my Dr. put me on "real" bed rest. Since the hospital visit last week, dilating, effacing, and contractions, has sent me to this chapter in the pregnancy. So, I will take it easy and enjoy the time with Jacob and Hannah, all the while, not going crazy :)

So, if you actually read my blog, sorry I am not a daily blogger, but I will try to do better.

Summer Fun~

One thing I love about the warm weather is suiting the kids up and letting them play in the water. I don't have it in me to take them to the pool, much less put on a bikini, and blind people with my white ass belly. So we just stay home and put the sprinkler on for them. Here are some sweet pics of them playing with their friends in the sprinkler!

Jacob~

Hannah cheesing~

Soaking wet~

Getting warm~

The boys playing Candyland on their towels~

I suck....

at blogging. I have been so busy on the forum I joined, that I have been neglecting my new blog. I wonder if I am the only one that does this?
Not much going on though. Hot as hell here, 98 was the high today and boy did that suck! I let the kids play in the sprinkler for a while, but then they even thought it was too hot. Then we went to a local game place and played for a couple of hours, indoors. Had some good buffet too!
Now I am just sitting on the couch with Matt and Jacob, watching Harry Potter. Well, I am typing and they are watching.
I am praying that I can sleep decently tonight, because I am sick and tired of pregnancy insomnia. That and if I actually get to sleep, it seems as though that is Ryker's cue to push on my bladder.
I was just thinking today how stretched out I feel. When he kicks, it actually hurts now. So, sorry to say, but I am already at the point that I am done. I am ready to be unprego again. Not to mention I want to see this little guy.
But, I will remain patient because he needs to grow for at least six more weeks. The contractions are getting a tad bit more painful as well, but maybe that will make the labor easier? A girl can dream.

I will try to post more and be a better blogger, but I am currently addicted otherwise.

29 Weeks~

Today marks my 29th week of pregnancy. You could say I am feeling pretty good, aside from the norm of pregnancy aches and pains. Yesterday I thought my poor hips would bust out, I couldn't get comfortable no matter what I tried. I have an OB appointment this afternoon. He said that he will start putting me on the monitor pretty soon when I go in, just to see how the contractions are doing. See, I have had them for a while now and thankfully they aren't doing anything to put me into pre-term labor, but these docs keep a close eye on me nonetheless. Some of the contractions are getting a tad uncomfortable, but I know the worst is yet to come.

When I reach a milestone in the pregnancy, which to me is about every week. I am proud that I made it so far. With this week upon me, I think to myself- "If history repeats itself, this baby will be here in 6-7 weeks." Because that is when I had Jacob and Hannah. This is a bit startling. You count every week, wait for the next and at times just want to be done and have your munchkin home in your arms. But, I want him healthy too, not too early. I have everything ready and waiting. The clothes are almost all washed, the nursery complete, car seat ready. No bags packed, because I wait till the last minute on that one. Otherwise, we are all patiently waiting. Hannah keeps asking when he will get out of my belly button and Jacob explains that he needs to get a little bigger first. We go through this every day.

When he is ready he will come. I am ready with open arms. Our house is ready to be filled with more love.

To those mom's out there past their due date, or coming within close range. I feel for you. I think about you and pray for you. Soon your arms will be full and content.

WHYMOMMY~

I have been waiting all day to write this post. Searching for the right words, feelings, thoughts, and support. We have probably all known someone who had cancer, is going through cancer, or has SURVIVED cancer. I am going to touch on someone who was all three at one point. In fact, she had cancer a total of 11 times. I am speaking of my Aunt Barbara.
It all started in the early 90's. She was diagnosed for the first time. I remember my family and how scared we all were. My parents would talk to her on the phone daily, putting forth a support system thousands of miles away. We were in CO and she was in DC.
I remember when they deemed her in remission. We celebrated, we went out there, and we became closer. She was a survivor. She beat it, and she could move on.
Then it came back and she was strong as ever. In fact she is the strongest woman I have ever known. Got right in the face of cancer and fought the hell out of it every time. This cancer found new places to come back to every time. Finally she went through a leg amputation because that leg could no longer handle the surgeries. She went through all the chemo and radiation a body could handle. So they had to resort to surgery most of the time.
She kicked the cancer's ass so many times that she was never in shock when they told her it was back, she never backed down and she never let it sway her determination.
She lost that battle this last March. Over 15 years of battling, beating, and surviving cancer. I didn't realize how many people she had touched throughout her life. They are dedicating a gymnastics complex, in her name, in Washington DC. They are naming a gym after her, as well as a street by the school where she taught. This woman, my Aunt, was courageous, determined, hard headed, hopeful, and above all a pure fighter.

WhyMommy will get through this. We are her support system and we will be there for her when she needs us. In good times and bad. That is what you do. I just met her via blogosphere and she amazes me beyond words. Go and read some of her writings. You will be amazed at the strength this woman has. Take a look at her beautiful babies. And above all, support her. Add the button for Team WhyMommy. Be a part of the Team and support the crap out of her. Send her a message. Just.be.there.for.her.

http://toddlerplanet.wordpress.com/

Dr.'s Frustrate Me~

For the last two days I have had a pain in my left side. It has affected my sleep, my mood, my work, and everything in between. I finally decided at work last night, that maybe I should go to the doctor. I got off around 8:30pm, and figured it would be easier to go to those Urgent Care Clinics than to mess around and try to get a hold of my OB. So, I come home and get hubs and J-man and drive on over. We fill out the necessary paperwork and wala, we are in.
The nurse takes my stats and moves us into a room. She then asks what the problem is, asks some questions, than proceeds to tell me that they really don't take OB patients. Sweet!!! So I wasted my time here to have someone look at my side, which by the way I don't think is OB related, and they pretty much won't help me. So she says she will talk to the Dr. and see what he wants to do. He comes in barely speaking English and asks some more questions and tells me that he can at least take a pee test.
So on I go to piss in a cup for them. I apparently pass that with flying colors and he pushes around on my tummy, I say "Ow" a couple times, he says "Oh that is your kidneys" and continues to push. He then walks out of the room and comes back moments later.
"You are having ligament pain, I can't give you anything for the pain, so go home and take Tylenol and ice it if you need to." THE END. That was his conclusion. Wonderful.
I am on my third pregnancy and I am pretty sure it wasn't ligament pain, but OK asshole with a PhD, you know best.
So we came home, I popped a couple more useless Tylenol, a sleeping pill and went to bed. My side is better this morning, which is good, but I am still frustrated at the doctor.

New Kid on the Block~

I really have no clue as to what I am doing. I look at blogs everyday, and I can only hope mine looks that great after awhile. I know nothing about html or computer coolness. Hence the boring background and very boring page look. Hopefully that will get better.

Anyway, part of the reason why I am doing this is to become part of the blog community. I will no longer be a lurker, I can actually leave comments and say "Hey, come on over to my corner and take a look!"

The second part is to be able to outsource my thoughts into cyberspace. I have never been good at keeping a journal or diary, so I figured this is the next best thing. I am on the computer everyday, so why not pour a little bit about me into cyberspace?

So, here is some info about me:

I am 26 years old and live in Nebraska. My husband Matt and I have Jacob who is 7 years old and Hannah who is 3. We are also prego with Ryker, whom will grace us with his presence sometime between August and September. We have no pets, because I don't know what to do with them. We talk about having a dog a lot, but we never actually get one, which is fine with me :)

I only work part time, due to pre-term labor history and the fact that I hate my job. I have realized that I love being home with my kid's and don't know if I will go back to work full time. I never realized how much you miss out on when you work everyday, all day.