8 Weeks/2Months~

I am sitting here trying to think about what to write. I mean, two months have passed, 8 weeks to be exact, since Ryker graced my family and friends with his beautiful, radiant, wonderful, perfect, self. I am still in complete awe over him.

I worried about how I would do with three children, instead of two. I am doing it. Just doing it. It happens, it all falls together. It is hard, I won't lie, but it happens. It works.

I worried about his appetite and tummy troubles and what I was eating that wasn't settling in his tummy. We worked that out too. He is good, he is gaining and he eats like a champ. I have bouts of feeling like a failure, for not breast feeding any more. I know I shouldn't, but I do. And, I miss it terribly. But, he is good. He is doing good on formula. I just miss that bond, that specific bond. And that it was my last chance to breast feed.

I worried about how the other kids would be with a new brother. They love him. They spoil him. They love to help and hold and feed and love on him. They are great. They too keep me going and so very content in my heart. Ryker is so lucky to have them as his family.

I worried about Matt and fatherhood for him. Not that he couldn't do it, just simple worry. He is great. He is the best. He and Ryker are so very close and he is my hero for that. He has a calm about him. The patience I don't always have and Ryker is one of the best things to happen for Matt. And for me.

All this past worry aside. This past 8 weeks has flown by and I really just can't believe it. He is getting so big, starting to smile, starting to coo. If you put him on his belly for tummy time, he flips himself over. Not on purpose, just being top heavy, but it is so cute. In fact, tonight was the first time he did that. He is so strong and so perfect.

I patiently await our future with Ryker. For me, for our family, for everyone. He is so special. I love him more than any words could tell you. I love him more than even I know.

I am loved~

Yes, and I really feel the love. I posted pics of my family after not posting in forever. I got nine comments! Can you believe that? I am loved, that is all there is to say about that. People still read, people still look. And these people, these women, I love them.

This week will be crazy at work. We have a huge food show tomorrow and I get to eat food all day. But oye, the preperations, they will be trying. But, I will shine through. I will do a great job. And somebody will appreciate the effort I put into my work. You see, cause that is how great my new job is. I can't wait!

In other news, Ryker will be 8 weeks on Thursday. Ummm, holy crap, how did that happen? Way too fast I tell ya, way too fast.

Pictures Galore~

Look at those cheeks

Chunky butt

Sleeping on daddy

Hannah, Grandma, Jacob

Hannah and Grandma, so sweet

Lauren and Ryker

Grandma holding Ryker for the first time!

Dino jammies

My big boy

Jacob at swimming lessons

Hannah drawing

Sleepy baby

Princess Hannah

Gah!

I have been really, really, really bad about blogging. Such is life. It is hectic and busy.

Ryker is a month old already and growing like a champ, weighing in at 8 pounds 5 ounces and 20.5 inches long. He has cute little rolls and folds and is starting to "talk" and smile a bit. I heart him so. Sleeping at night is becoming better, going 4-5 hours at a time, sometimes!

I am doing alright, dealing with PPD and having minor surgery tomorrow to get my tubes tied. Three is good and I want to devote my time to the three I have and live in the moment.

Anyway, hopefully I can start blogging a bit more, but don't keep your fingers crossed.....


muah,
Lu

Monday Thoughts~

It is very dreary out today. Supposed to rain a majority of the day. I secretly wish they would send Matt home because of the rain, because then he could be home with us, and I might get a nap that way.

Ryker is sleeping better then he did Friday night. He was up a majority of the time from midnight to six in the morning. I took the 12-3 shift and Matt took the 3-6 shift, even though he had to work Saturday. I was grateful. He is now sleeping for about an hour and a half at a time, which is fine.

Ryker now has a real belly button, I will have to take pic's and post them soon. Because of this, he took his first bath on Saturday. He hated it with a passion, we know he is unlike his sister in this way, she loved water from the very start.

Matt's grand parents were in town this weekend. We joined his entire family for dinner on Saturday night. It was good, but interesting. I didn't eat the delicious Mexican food because I didn't want to upset Ryker's belly later on from it. I ate a grilled chicken sandwich and had a few sips of a Mojito. Those are good. Breastfeeding in public for the first time, interesting. Matt held up the blanket for me while Ryker took forever to even latch on. I don't think he liked being on display :) Really though, he has been latching funny lately. Taking quite a while to just take it in. He will sit there and root forever and then finally latch, once he already has milk dripping all over his face and neck. Oops.

Hannah seems so much older and more mature to me lately. I am sure it is from her being bumped from youngest child, to middle child. But, it is taking me by surprise. To listen to her talk, to watch her play, and to watch her interact with the family, has taken on a whole new meaning. Maybe she is trying to act older now, knowing she is no longer a baby, or even a toddler. She is in pre-school now at the church daycare. I think she enjoys it, but she is one shy little girl and tells me that she doesn't want to make friends, she just wants to play. Her potty training has picked back up again and she has rediscovered the potty. Thank God!

Jacob is doing wonderful in school. He tells me every day that he is still a straight A student. He is getting 100% on each spelling test and doing great in Math as well. He is also reading an average of 30 minutes a day, which is great! He really enjoys sitting down with a good book and diving in. Jacob will start school sponsored swimming lessons at the end of the month. I think this will be good for him. His father even paid me for the registration, what a surprise.



Now for some random thoughts~



Matt's dad loves holding Ryker, which I think is wonderful, but freaks me out at the same time. Last night I told him that Ryker already likes to throw his head back and he snapped back at me, "I have done this many times before, I know what I am doing." That is fine dude, but you haven't done it with my son and I have full right to be worried or whatever, thanks. God, why do people have to be like that? He is my son, I am LETTING you hold him, don't be a jerk about it!



My milk seems to come in every time I am at the checkout in a store. What the heck? Target, Grocery Store, you name it. My milk likes that time to come in and make me want to feed Ryker and unload those puppies. I think it is funny, how it does that.



I am getting used to a daily routine with Ryker. I am not so uncomfortable being home alone all day with him. Why on my third child this would happen, is beyond me, but it did. We are getting over that.



I might take him in for a weight check this week, just to see what it is. I know he is getting bigger. I measured him last night and he is now 20 inches long, up from the 19 at birth. His head is also bigger, I don't remember the exacts though.



~Well he just blew his pants out again, so gotta jet!

Spit up, diapers, crying, and my life currently~

Well, I finally posted Ryker's birth story on my blog, you know, two weeks after the fact! I feel like I am in a whirlwind, tunnel type thing right now. I am sure all new mother's know what I mean and how I feel right now.
Ryker is growing, I don't know exactly what he weighs, but you can just tell. I might take him in next week for a weight check, just to ease my thoughts. He eats well, but keeping it down is another issue in itself. Yesterday, was a long day. All morning, he spit up most of what he ate. I felt terrible, I felt like a failure, and I felt so bad for him. I am not sure if the roast dinner from the previous night, wasn't agreeing with him, or what. But, after discussing it with a great gal, she calmed my nerves and suggested the BRAT diet. Bananas, rice, applesauce, and toast. So, I had rice for lunch and toast with a side of applesauce for dinner yesterday. I did however, have my coffee this morning. If his tummy is upset, I will take coffee out of my diet as well.
I really want to succeed at breastfeeding. But, at times I question how this is possible. My nipples still hurt quite bad and I am not sure if it is his latch or not. I could easily call Le Leche League, but part of me doesn't know what to say when I call. I know, it sounds completely stupid, but it is what it is. He eats anywhere from every hour, to every 2-3 hours. If he could only try the 2-3 hours at night, that would be a blessing.
He sleeps a good portion of the day, as all newborns do. Night's are all different, never the same. Last night, sucked. He cried a lot and I felt as if I couldn't comfort him. But, we got through and here we are. He doesn't like to be swaddled correctly. If I do swaddle him, he has to have his arms out, or he gets pissed.
This post is all over the place, I apologize for that, but now you see inside my head, and how scattered that is.
Anyway. My mood is off, I know it is. I am not sure if it is PPD rearing it's ugly head, or if it is all in my head. I do alright during the day, with few bouts of wanting to cry my head off. But, once everyone is home for the day, I have issues. I get easily frustrated with Matt. I know he is trying to help, but sometimes, I feel it easier to just do it myself. I am trying to give him more credit, as this is his first time, and he is really trying. I snap at the kids easier. I suppose this is what bothers me most. It is not their problem that I just had a baby. It is not fair to them that my patience wears thing. I feel terrible about this. I wish I could give them the time, affection, and what not that they had before, but I simply can't. I hope we all get into a groove and this eases up a bit. They are great kids and I don't want them to forget that, nor do I want to forget that.

I am trying to find a new job, so this too is an added stress. You see, I wasn't at my job a full year before Ryker was born, so I didn't qualify for FMLA. I only qualified for disability, which is a huge help. Nonetheless, my boss informed me last week that they weren't sure that my position was still available for me. She said that I should have known this going on bed rest. I have been gone for almost two months, so I understand this. But, it is hard. I worked on my resume yesterday, had a friend vamp it up a bit and I sent it out to 8 different employers. So wish me luck, as this is another new adventure and hopefully this goes smooth.

My parent's are coming out to visit from October 5-12th. This is good, or at least I keep telling myself this. So kill me now if my mother ever finds this blog. Anyway, I tell people that they are coming out to visit and people say, "Oh, that will be sooo great to have help and have someone take the kid's off your hands!" Ummm, nope, it won't. You see, my parents aren't like that. They are older, this is my only excuse as to why they aren't your typical grandparent's. Their idea of visiting is this- come to my house in the morning, sit on my couch and read their books, go book shopping, watch me take care of the three kids, and go out to dinner nightly. This is a vacation to them, not a "let's be grandparent's and help out" type thing. My mother has a disability where she could not carry one of my children, even if she wanted to. Also, her back is really bad, so she can't stand for long periods or go walking much. My father is just an old fuddy duddy and keeps to himself. The saddest part is if you were to ask my children what their best memory of my parents are, they would say "They give us a lot of money and save a lot of money for us." Not "Oh they took us to the park or the zoo or we went outside and played." So this visit will be interesting. Although I love them dearly, two days is more than enough, 7 might kill me. If I don't return around those dates, you know why.

(I really didn't mean for this post to be so mad, sad, etc. I am just writing how I feel and am not always good with words, so it may sound pissier then I had planned.)

The Birth Story~

On August 22nd, I had a Dr. appt. at 12:15. At that point I was up to 3 centimeters dilated, and as he put it, ripe and ready to go anytime. He told me that he would definitely not see me in a week and wouldn't be surprised if I went into labor that night.I started having 3 minute contractions at about 6:30ish. They weren't too bad, but there. Finally around 9pm, I decided to call my doctor. On the phone he asked if they felt different from the Friday before and I said yes, they are going to my back each time and are a little more intense. He then asked if I thought this was the real deal, I said I sure hope so, but yes. He gave me the go ahead to go up to the hospital. We got to the hospital around 10pm. They put me in a small room because they thought it was surely false labor. The nurse put me on the monitors and got my info put in the computer. She then checked me and I was at 5 centimeters. So I asked if this was it, she said, "You betcha, you are NOT going home tonight, you are having your baby." They kind of hurried after that. Started to get a real delivery room set up for me, etc. She then needed to start my IV. Stupid bitch hurt the hell out of me and blew two veins in the process of trying to get my IV started. After 5 attempts, yes I said 5, she got a shitty IV put in that hurt like hell. Then they had me walk to my delivery room, this was around 11pm, maybe 11:30. Got me set up in that room and all the sudden my IV started leaking into my arm. Not sure of the actual medical term, but it ballooned and hurt really bad, so Matt blocked the fluid on the tube. The nurse came in and I told her this one is shot too and wanted someone ELSE to do my next one. So she got the house supervisor to do it. One try and a great IV was finally in.Oh and around the same time they gave me Staydol (sp) to help with the pain while we waited for my epidural. That was the best drug ever! I was more relaxed and able to really get through those contractions. It lasted about 45 minutes at which point, the anesthesiologist came in at midnight. The epidural was put in with no problem and no pain whatsoever. It started working by 12:30. I text Tiff to update her as much as I could. The nurse told me I might deliver by 2:30.However, I was stuck at 6 centimeters for a while and apparently that was not fast enough for the nurses and such. So they called my Dr. and he suggested to put me on Pitocin to help progress me to 10. They put me on the pitocin at 2:35. Right away Ryker's heartbeat was dropping from the Pit. So they had me lay on my left side to help him and put me on oxygen. They kept worrying about his heartbeat and told the doc to hurry, this baby was coming soon. By 2:45 I was fully dilated and could feel Ryker very low. They told the doc to get there NOW, I was about to deliver. They had my roll back onto my back to get ready and put my feet up. When I rolled to my back, he started crowning. I shit you not, this was the worst part of the labor.It was 2:55 at this point and I wanted and needed to push, but no doc yet. The nurses were all ready at the end of the bed, but kept telling me to breath through the contractions and NOT to push. This was the hardest thing, not to push out a baby that is crowning. Finally the doc walks in at about 3:02 and scrubbed up and got to the end of the bed just in time. As soon as I saw him at the end of my bed, they didn't have to tell me, I just pushed. My first push was half assed to be quite honest. I don't know if it was fear of the pain or what. My 2nd push was a really good push and his head came out with that one. Then one more little push and his body was out and he was born at 3:06 am. I could see him and the doc suctioning. He was crying a little bit, but I remember thinking and saying, "He is too small, he is small, oh my gosh, is he going to be OK?" The whole team kept reassuring me that he would be fine and that he wasn't "too small." They took him over to the warmer to clean him up and do all the stuff they do. The doc delivered my placenta and I asked if I tore and how bad was it down there, because it didn't really hurt when he was coming out. He said, "There is no tear, nothing. It looks just fine, you did great!"I was very relieved about this part!Ryker was weighed in at 5 lbs. 3 oz. My smallest baby thus far and 19 inches long. He just seemed so long and skinny.This labor seemed to fly by, even tho, it too was my longest labor.